Indeed today and all weekend my heart craves for the past when I was perhaps, angry, sad, hurt, unhappy all of those things yet, secure in my relationship with Gerald. now my heart craves for the past, for the what was defined as love in my heart and mind, for whatever I had in lieu of not knowing what the future holds. I have convinced myself that I can change things back to the past if I behave in a certain way and perhaps I can. Do I want what I had before, do I deserve more or is what I had all there is. Who owns the problems that we had in the past me or him or both of us, is there a way to fix those problems, to move into a better relationship with Gerald or is the past and the future forever apart from each other. There is no simple answer and for those who would simply say, get over it and move on, no no no no, there is sooo much more to the equation than that. In two weeks Gerald will have his own place and perhaps sooner, how will that work for me, how will that work for him. I just don't know, we have been apart before, but never for these reasons. Only time will tell and as the saying goes, time heals all wounds.